New beau? Moving in together? Whether this is your first time cohabiting or the fourth, there are some important questions to ask yourselves as you plan your new life together and create dream home. Here are some things to think about before you take the plunge to live together.
The Clean Freak and the Slob
(To protect the innocent names have been changed)
Alex is a tidy person. Anyone who has been to his apartment notices the care he puts into his home—organized and neat, with nothing out of place. However, Alex is not an island. He and his new partner, Rose, are about to move in together, and Rose is perhaps a bit less discerning. She would describe herself as artsy and eclectic.
“Rose is a bit more relaxed about tidiness,” says longtime friend and former roommate, Derek. “She’s a wonderful person who cooks the best food you’ve ever tasted and can light up a room with her smile. But she cannot throw anything away. She is very sentimental. I’m happy for her and Alex. I also have no idea how they will possibly share a home.”
Can you identify with either Alex or Rose? In most partnerships, I’ve found that one person is always neater than the other, and the level of neatness comes in various degrees. While these differences may be ignored or overlooked at the beginning during the euphoric stage when everything is perfect, there will come a time when addressing these disparities is essential for the health of the relationship.
Designing to Improve Your Habits
Most will agree that the person who has “good” house habits should be the one who sets household standards. I believe that both people in the relationship need to feel heard, so some compromise is important too. Whenever possible, a strategy I’ve implemented with my clients is to simply assign areas of the house to each partner. An easy example is when someone does most of the cooking in the household; they would dictate the level of organization in the kitchen. Another strategy is having areas of the house or room that are just for them—their messy desk, their messy side of the room, their messy cabinet. The idea here is that this person will have at least one area where they are completely in control without consequences.
We can obviously design to support existing habits, but designing to encourage new habits is also an option. Good design can help improve habits that are not working for the couple or the individual. Organization is one of the habits that comes up a lot. I believe that trying to change someone through design is most effective when the individuality of each person is honored. For example, if someone has a habit of tossing things everywhere when they enter the house—coat lands on the sofa, handbag on the dining table, keys go straight into the ether… There is an opportunity here to create a system to encourage different habits.
In this scenario, a solution could be a well-designed entryway with obvious spots for each of the items: hooks for the coat, a shelf for bags, a small table with trays for keys or other small items. Or better yet, a keyless lock could be a great solution for those who are always losing their keys. This solution will save time and frustration when entering and exiting the house.
The Takeaway
Moving in together can be a real opportunity to take stock of your habits: the good, the bad, and the oddball. Once you’ve identified habits you want to encourage, and others you’d like to cure, you can design for the best of yourselves you want. This life change can make you highly motivated to grow and plan for the future. Designing for the people you are and the people you hope to become is a wonderful way to start your lives together.
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